Funny bits of dialogue v. 050714

Girl: Okay Bachelor Number 1, I’m an ice cream cone. How are you going to eat me?

Bachelor #1: I’d invite my friend Rudy over and the two of us would give you a “double dip”

Girl: Okay. Bachelor Number 2?

Bachelor #2: I’d like off all of the cream and give you my special whipped topping

Girl: Sounds good. Bachelor number 3?

Bachelor #3 / Peter: I would try to eat you really fast before I got flaccid

Funny bits of dialogue v. 050713b

John Mason: Are you sure you're ready for this?

Stanley Goodspeed: I'll do my best.

John Mason: Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

Stanley Goodspeed: Carla was the prom queen.

John Mason: Really?

Stanley Goodspeed: [cocks his gun] Yeah.

Funny bits of dialogue v. 050713a

Mr. Brown: O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?

Mr. White: A lot.

Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a virgin."

Maddox sucks

The guy is entitled to his opinion however wrong he may be, but his rant about Christopher Reeve is just garbage.

My feelings are probably best summed up by this email.

From: DIXON
To: maddox@xmission.com
Subject: Read your Christopher Reeve's site

Dear dumb-fuck:

You are probably right that Christopher Reeve would have not started
a foundation if he did not have his accident. Instead of feeling
sorry for himself, he used his fame to help people with
disabilities.

So while he is now in heaven walking along with God, his foundation
and legacy will continue; and when you die (by the looks of it nobody
will care or notice), you can just go straight to hell where you
belong.

By the way, I'm not a racist or a bigot since I work with people with
mental and physical disabilities and I'm a black man married to a
white woman. You seem like the kind of person who would vote for Bush.
You are nothing but a bitter, fucked-up waste of space.

CHRISTOPHER "MAN OF STEEL" REEVE

1952-2004

What’s worse is that people continue to eat this shit up.

So the next time you want to throw your fist up and scream “Maddox kicks ass!” be careful now, you might wake your parents up.

The cold harsh reality

Have you ever thrown punches, kicks or chokeholds, with very bad intentions, at your sibling, who shares your mutual dislike?

No?

OK, so what’s your expertise in this area then?

I thought so.

Let me work it out my way.

Assume the position

“Ah I despise intellectual elitism, I know I am guilty of it, but I just had a seminar and the majority of it was people simply reinforcing what others had said. I agreed with most of it, but there is no substance to debate without disagreement, you do not know where you really stand if your values are never challenged.”

I’ve been forced to listen to the discussions of two people as of late (they shall remain nameless) and it’s been pretty disgusting. There is no point of a discussion if you’re ALWAYS going to reinforce what the other person says and vice versa.

What these people are effectively doing.

You are

You are a pop star. Not that long ago, most people felt you were just a 3^rd rate imitation of a more a popular pop star. But your first album went multi-platinum. However, your second album didn’t even go platinum while your third album has been just released to about zero fanfare.

But luckily for you, you recently got married. You and the groom decided to let cameras follow you two around for your first year of marriage. You are portrayed as a very ditzy airhead or so the critics claim. However, your fans claim that you’re just exaggerating your ditzy personality for strictly entertainment purposes; your mom even sticks up for you with her “my daughter has an IQ of 160!” claim.

Either way (act or not), you’re portrayed in a very unflattering light, so that should be damaging for your career right? Wrong, your album goes multi-platinum and you have offered roles in several films, despite minimal training and experience.

This all goes to show you that with good looks, minimal intelligence and a slick manufactured musical product you can reach the top.

You are Jessica Simpson.